ARTS: How to Write a Script

About three years ago, I coauthored a book about directing. Every once in a while, people looking for guidance and advice seek me out on the Internet. When and if I have the time, I try to be helpful.

I recently received a note from a young student who was stuck on an assignment:

I'm supposed to write a script but I can't think of anything at all. The characters have to be two people doing something, like action. Do you understand what I mean?

Here was my answer:

Sure. I understand.

There's a very important lesson that can help you come up with something to write about: Every scene is a chase scene. One person wants something from the other person, and the other one doesn't want to give it. If he did, the scene would be over. So write a script with two people. One person wants something. The other person resists, or puts up obstacles.

Here's an exercise. I'll describe, in just one word, the first of who those two people in your script might be. Based on who that first person is, you should, if you use your imagination, be able to come up with 1) what they probably want and 2) what another person might do to try to prevent them from getting it. For example, if I say Teacher, a teacher would probably want a student to learn. But the Student might resist for any number of reasons. The Teacher is chasing the Student. And that suggests dialog, or a script...

Teacher: This assignment is due on Thursday.

Student: I'm going to be out sick on Thursday.

Teacher: How can you know that in advance?

Student: I know because assignments make me sick.

And so on. The Teacher will keep chasing. He or she will try charm, force, diplomacy, bribery...all sorts of things to get the Student to do the assignment. And the Student will keep avoiding. Or the Teacher might give up and the Student will start a new chase in reverse because he or she wants the attention. That's a scene. It ends when the chase ends.

So here's the list:

Coach
Wife
Sister
Judge
Slave
Taxi passenger
Stewardess/Flight attendant
Babysitter
Zookeeper

For each one, you should be able to come up with what that person might want, the type of person or crowd they might be interacting with, and the kind of resistance that second person or group might apply to what the first person wants. Pick the combination that amuses you most, and write your script around that.

ARCHITECTURE: The Slippery Slope of Fake

I'm thinking of building a house. I needed to do some research, so I packed myself up and traveled to Orlando, Florida, where I attended the International Builder's Show last week.

I was struck by how many home building products were sold not on the basis of how they might benefit the people living in the house, but on how the products would benefit the builder. The primary concerns of a homeowner like me are, "Is it good?" and "Can I afford it?", but a builder's concerns are different: 1) Is it easy to install? 2) Will it create problems that might lead to costly callbacks later? and 3) Can I make a profit on it?

Sometimes, these priorities work well together. Problem is, when the builder's concerns, not the homeowner's, are primary, it can lead to some particularly distressing results.

This was frequently in evidence at the show as I came to realize it's possible to build a completely fake house. One vendor summed up this trend nicely with its jaunty slogan: "Inspired by the appearance of actual wood." Recycled cardboard, discarded plastics, sawdust and who knows what else are now molded into dimensional forms and embossed with artificial grain. You can nail the stuff, bend it, cut it, you name it and it won't rot, peel, or otherwise raise an objection. For the "wood look," there's the old standby, vinyl siding, of course, and fake wood flooring and crown molding and exterior trim. There's also the trend toward gas burning fireplaces with ceramic "logs." Because gas burns cleanly, no chimney is necessary to channel smoke, but I can't discern which bothers me more, a conventional-looking fireplace with fake logs and no chimney (a headless horseman in my living room), or a completely unnecessary chimney built for appearance with no function at all.

Clearly, these materials and methods have many advantages. I'm no technology luddite, I'm just baffled and concerned by why we let these inauthentic expressions become a pervasive part of our everyday lives. Nothing wrong with plastic. Let it be plastic. But this fake stuff unfailingly brings to mind the old Monty Python phrase, "Look, you're not fooling anybody." The real conundrum is why we seem to prefer what's fake, or at least, why we let it happen with so little pushback. Do we even recognize the difference between what's real and what isn't?

• • •

I wish I could recall where I first heard this story, but a suburban boy was at a friend's house and stayed for a sleepover. In the morning, the friend's mother served them fresh squeezed orange juice at breakfast.

The visting boy made a face.

"What wrong?" the friend's mother asked.

"This doesn't taste like the frozen stuff my Mom makes," he said.

DESIGN: The Odd Collection or Two

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to house-sit in a high-rise luxury condominium in Manhattan. I got to stay there for over two years, virtually rent free (a story for another time). Guests frequently fawned over the accomodations (while no doubt also harboring secret resentments). But my friend Joe had a different reaction...

As we sat on the balcony on a pleasant Spring evening, overlooking Damrosch Park and the Metropolitan Opera from the 31st floor, he said, "I feel sorry for you that you have to stay here."

"What? I think I've got it pretty good. Why would you say that?" I asked.

"Because it's not your space. You get to stay here, but it's not yours. It's like living in a hotel room. You can't express yourself. You can't even hang a picture on the wall. You can't collect anything."

I hadn't collected anything since bubble gum and baseball cards, but Joe had planted a seed and when I later moved out, that seed had grown into a full-blown impulse to collect, to make my space my own and surround myself with objects of my own desire.

I started with black and white landscape photography because it's an interest my father exposed me to. I've also developed more recently a small collection of electric train locomotives, specifically Old Time American Steam Engines in a 4-4-0 wheel configuration, since I had one from childhood that got the collection started. And I've begun an unusual collection of mortars and pestles; a strange thing to collect maybe, but they can be beautiful and simple tools that second as inexpensive art objects. And they're slightly naughty. See for yourself.

Perhaps oddest, though, is my collection of over-the-counter pharmaceutical products. Many people have a fetish for hardware or stationary stores and I understand those, but I also have one for old pharmacies and the unguents, salves, and sundries sold there. Something comforting to me about them.

My collection is comprised of three types of product:

1) More beautiful than they have any right to be. Examples: an enormous oval container of Borotalco, imported Italian baby powder; The Good Home Co.'s Linden Flower Body Moisturizer with an old fashioned rubber stop seal; and a bottle of Arran Apothecary's Aloe Vera lotion.

2) Undesign. This is what I call products whose packaging or conception is so naive, so completely lacking in skill, taste, or talent, that they're either unintentionally humorous or utterly compelling, making you wonder out loud, "Who the hell would BUY this?" or "What in the world were they thinking?" Examples: Day Use No-Crack (catchy name!), a Super Hand Cream; D.R. Harris & Co. Ltd.'s Original Pick-Me-Up ("...a splendid reviver in the morning...also serves as an excellent aperitif.") containing, among other ingredients, camphor and ammonia spirit. A reviver for all the wrong reasons. There's also "Arabian Scratches and Gall Salve, manufactured and sold by Our Husband's Company," which apparently also manufactured Cow's Relief, Calves' Cordial, and Cow Tone. It says so right there on the package. (Sorry no pic.)

One product straddles both of the first two categories: Tres Flores (Three Flowers) Brilliantine, colored and scented mineral oil, is intended for anyone still psychologically stuck in the 1950's. It is used for slicking back one's hair, with a nice slime finish to boot. This stuff is still available at a very reasonable (as a collectable) or unreasonable (considering its components) three or four dollars. The bottle is a bit special, though, like a little flower itself but not overly feminine or frou-frou-y. Caringly crafted.

The color of the liquid inside, however, is completely baffling. It's yellow. Well, "yellow" is generous. If it was the name of a paint chip in a car brochure, it would be "Urine Sunrise." It really is the color of pee. I have to wonder: What, oh what color came in SECOND to that? Someone, somewhere once said, "That's not the color we want for this product. This is."

And finally,

3) Products with historical, cultural, or emotional resonance. I have, for instance, a jar of Barbicide. No it's not for killing barbers, it's the blue liquid barbers use to kill germs on scissors and combs. I also have an unopened box of Mr. Bubble, and a metal tin of Pinaud Clubman Talc which preserves for me the glorious smell of my first haircut.

I don't USE these products. I collect them because they delight me. They are odd and comforting and funny and beautiful. If a box of Mr. Bubble doesn't make you smile, what would?

What do you collect? Why?

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my new blog.

I'm Russell Reich, a writer and creative director with a background in theatre and business communications and a passion for the 10% of things and thinking that aren't crud...the glorious, heightened, wonderful 10% that rises above the confused, the mediocre, the badly intended. In every realm, there is always that 10% worth seeking, and I intend to find it wherever I can.

My purpose here is to share my thinking and discoveries in areas of life that are of significant concern, passion, or interest to me. These include musings on art, design, music, architecture, religion, politics, business, and personal growth. Broad-based, yes, but perhaps some common threads or themes will emerge. I anticipate the common thread will be the search for standards that we might agree are worth raising over our impulses. In any case, my hope is that others will find themselves reflected and amplified here, their secret thoughts recognized and valued, their prejudices challenged, their perspectives widened, their synapses fired, their spark of recognition frequently ignited, their aspirations and search for connection to a like-minded soul satisfied.

Elia Kazan once wrote (I'm paraphrasing here) that all we really have, especially as artists, is the hope that others will see and value things as we do. And, I would add the hope that we are able to similarly receive from others as we wish them to receive from us.

Join in. Participate. Comment. Question. Argue. Be passionate.