Purveyor. Not of goods, but of good ideas

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A List of Annoyances, as told by a James Bond Villain

I didn't write this and don't know who did. I was just rummaging through some very old files on my hard drive, found this, and had to laugh...and share it with you. Best read with a Czechoslovakian accent:

Having an eye made completely out of gold annoys me.

It annoys me that I have to invite the freaks I hire as assassins and henchman when I have a Christmas party. Do you know how many fried shrimp a giant with metal teeth can eat? A lot. And try buying a sweater for a 500 pound Korean. How about doing a seating arrangement that doesn't make someone feel left out and start slashing the other guests with a knife.

I'll tell you what is annoying. When I say "take care of the situation" people always think I mean kill everybody. Then my own people shoot my corrupt Swiss banker who took me forever to find. It's a lot of wasted energy.

If someone wants to search an underwater city, any underwater city, for nuclear weapons, they should have a warrant. End of story.

It annoys me when my workers in different colored jump suits start fighting soldiers like they've all been trained in hand to hand combat. It's not easy to build a fortress in a volcano, you know. You need lots of people. Engineers, welders, geologists, architects, not to mention chefs and plumbers and people to clean and feed the snakes in the pit. The whole point of different jump suits is to separate my soldiers from my drones. I don't need some twenty dollar an hour dental hygienist getting in the way of a trained and qualified mercenary.

I also really hate electronic theme music they use on TV shows these days. That's music?

Oh yeah, it annoys me when you yell "Everybody CONGA!" and nobody does.

Am I right? Or am I right? Hello? Is this thing on?

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